Monday, February 5, 2007

lessons

Yeah, I’ve been thinking lately about my life. I consider myself lucky. However, there are really times when I think of getting something I don’t have or being someone I’m not. It is all about contentment. I am somehow contented. And contentment also gives problems to a friendship. It is not dreadful to aim for something but we should be sure to do it properly. Contentment also comes with jealousy as it causes misunderstanding, most of the time.

Personally, having a bad relationship with my friends makes me feel awful. I know I can’t fulfill their needs neither can they fulfill mine. Sometime, we fight over the shallowest things but we just don’t know how to handle it and reconcile in the end. I admit that I am not good in fixing relationship as I end up yielding. It often makes me feel awful to have a conflict with others. I am pretty much affected with my surrounding and I often cannot focus on what I’m doing.

Well, back to my life. I have to face reality that there are really people who just befriend you just because they need something from you. At my back, I am just trash that can be recycled and be thrown away again. I’ve experienced enough to testify what I am saying right now. I think I am an entirely different person. I don’t use people to complete my needs since I think that I often complete the needs of others. I will not be counting the things I did for you if you just stay with me even if I have nothing to offer you or when I am simply down. I have undergone so many people who treat me like this. I feel betrayed because I know that I was honest to you when you were just using me in the first place. I also pity people who use others to compensate with their desires. I know a hand-full of them by the way. They are just like, blinded.

I don’t know if what others think of me, because in reality, we can never see the negative side of us. I am just trying to analyze what I hate most about other people so that I can imply it to my personality and avoid doing the same.

2 comments:

tina said...

well life is a quest of KNOWING WHO YOU ARE :)

katia said...

hello there! :)

i know how hard that is, for someone to treat you as a friend just because he/she needs something from you, and when she gets what she wants, goodbye friendship!